Also, while we're all being honest, my mom totally traumatized me as a kid.
jgh:
What I’ve learned from my Mom is that you become a parent in order to make up outlandish stories to your children that they will believe until they are old enough to know better. In other news, if anyone was curious about why I’m a fucking weirdo, this is why. LOL
- She told me before my first eye appointment (I was 7) that your pupils were actually holes and the doctor would check your eye sight by seeing “what would fit in there”, sticking rods in your eyes and stuff.
- For a whole year when I was 5, all I ever wanted to eat was chicken wings, chicken McNuggets and drumsticks. She got her revenge… by deciding to pretend that I was a chicken. One morning she woke up before I did and put chicken eggs in my bed and feathers in my panties, and when I woke up she said “Jessica Jessica! You must have eaten too much chicken! Look, you’re growing tailfeathers!’ and she got all her adult friends to join in the act too.
- She routinely made up Scrabble words to beat me in scrabble. When I was 6 she told me that “Lert” was a word, because “A lert” could attack you, and that’s how the word “Alert” came about - the “Lerts” were a group of thieves you should be scared of. (She did this b/c I was kicking her butt.) I totally believed her.
At least “LERT” is only a 4pt word. My father has always tried to make up words in order to get major points in Scrabble.
